If Only I Had A Rose
by Nome und Jood
Summary: Lily Evans is an incredibly shallow girl who has an opinion on everything. She doesn't really get along with her best friend, that is if you can call them best friends at all. Here are some of her reasonings. Not a oneshot anymore. Cheers.
1. If Only I Had A Rose

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything but the plot which isn't really mine, too. _

_**Author's Note:** I don't usually picture Lily like this at all. This story is quite unusual for me to write - it's based on some real people that I have had the unfortune to know. I don't really like the story myself so this will be a one-shot. _

**I F O N L Y I H A D A R O S E**

I'm Lily Evans and I'm in love. No really, I'm in love, it doesn't matter that I'm fifteen years old and I know nothing about life. My best friend is very different from me. Her name is Calina Adams. Something has changed in her since November last year. She's so bloody cold suddenly and she doesn't talk to me much. She really doesn't even smile anymore. Enough about her and her oh-so-miserable life. Don't get me wrong, I do care about her, she just pushes me away. I wonder why.

I love roses and I listen to love songs and I read romance novels. And I will never marry somebody who doesn't suit my every ideal. I have a bad habit, too. I giggle. Every time when Calina hears me giggle, she gives me this dirtiest look ever.

Calina has this idiotic friend, too. Judith or something. She's an idiot. She doesn't believe in love. I mean, she doesn't believe in love. Like, how's that even possible? This Judith goes to Hogwarts, too but she's in Ravenclaw or something. She sat next to me once in Arithmancy and I had written "Love, like a river, will cut itself a new path whenever it meets an obstacle" on the cover of my notebook. And she saw it and started saying it was wrong and everything. She's so gross.

Oh yes, I said I was in love. I found a boy who suits my every ideal. James Potter. I know that you're thinking "that arrogant berk?" but okay, he doesn't suit my every ideal. Well, it's not like I'm going to marry him, right? Yes he's arrogant and I know what Calina was thinking when I told her. Something along the lines that I'm a hypocrite. I mean, she has no right. Okay, maybe I didn't like who Calina liked because he was arrogant but that's totally not the same thing, right?

Anyway, I love James Potter. He's like so cool. He has black hair that's like so messy. And hazel eyes. Oh my, I just cried yesterday over him. He certainly doesn't like me. I barely even talk to him. Well, he asked me out once but that was in front of the whole school at breakfast and it was as unromantic as possible and I was so humiliated. I declined. Did I ever mention that I'll go out with someone who asks me out romantically with a rose in his hands and candlelight around us and looks at me with these pleading eyes.. oh, I'd love that. I love roses, they're just like so cool. I can't understand why Calina hates them. But as I said, she's different from me.

I'm smart too. And I'm beautiful, yes, I'm not afraid to admit it. I have top marks in all of my classes and I think that suicide is like so pointless. And my eyes always twist strangely when I'm talking to boys. But fortunately I don't talk much to boys.

I have never kissed anybody. I don't like boys who ask "May I kiss you?" before they do, it's like so not romantic. I study all the time. But I don't like that Calina rarely studies and her marks are almost as good as mine. It's like so unfair. And I would like to be more daring. Oh my god, I must go to Hogsmeade and find out what time the Hogwarts Express arrives at London when we're going home. And I'll buy myself a rose and I'll send it to James anonymously with a note saying "send it to Lily signed James" and then I'll Obliviate myself and then I'll receive the rose and I'll be like so happy. Oh my god, I'm a genius!

_Lastly, I would like to dedicate this story to her who knows and him who theoretically could know but doesn't. __Dearies !_

_Reviewing wouldn't do harm, also! You're dearies, too. : )_


	2. Black

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything but the plot which is based on real life to some degree._

_**Author's Note: **Okay, so this isn't a one-shot after all. I thought and thought and thought about it and finally decided to write at least two more chapters. So here is Chapter Two._

**I F O N L Y I H A D A R O S E**

So. This is strange. Really, really, really strange. You see, this morning I woke up when Calina was coming out of the bathroom, she had just finished her shower. That's really unusual, because I'm the first one up. Always. What did she do, wake up at five in the morning? Oh, I just noticed it's nine-thirty. It's a Saturday, for your information.

But that was not all. Calina Adams did something really horrible. Very horrible, I could not believe my eyes. She dressed in black. Every single piece of clothing on her, black. And she didn't even say a word to me, she just left. Left. I can't believe it. Not a "Good morning, Lily. Did you sleep well?" Just nothing. And we are best friends. Hmphhh.

As I finally dragged myself to the Great Hall to eat breakfast (which I always do, because otherwise it wouldn't be good for my health) I saw Calina sitting with Judith What's-Her-Face and a Slytherin girl (Lisa or something) at the Ravenclaw table. I thought my eyes were deceiving me. Calina was betraying her House! At the _Ravenclaw _table with a _Slytherin. _Who has ever done something like that? Honestly!

They were all wearing black. I observed them over my porridge, which I totally hate but have to eat because otherwise it's not good for my health. The Lisa girl was a blonde. And she was fat. Disgusting. Calina looked as she always did, dark brown hair and everything, only she was dressed in black. I just couldn't get over it. I mean, _who_ in their right mind wears _only _black? Except Severus Snape, of course, but he's a stupid moron anyway. Oh my god, I did not just think that. I must think nicely of everybody, otherwise it's bad for my karma. Bad, Lily, bad.

Anyway, Judith (The Gross Girl from here on a.k.a TGG) was such a wannabe. She had dyed her hair. I mean, _who _in their right mind dyes their hair black, red and blonde and all of them mixed? The girl has no fashion sense at all. And roses don't suit her. I don't like the girl, all right, but still. _Roses don't suit her._ I wonder what she did in her pervious life to deserve such a fate. And she has her tongue pierced. Okay, I must not think of that or I will puke and my health and karma _both_ will be ruined.

Instead, I turned my eyes on James Potter. He was so hot. But he was talking to some guy whose name I don't remember (I _am_ good with names, I just forgot!). It started with an M, though. And he was the one Calina had liked a while back. I asked her if she liked him still, but she just looked at me and said no. Thank god, the fellow was unbelievably arrogant. And he threw pens at people. And apples.

Okay, that was once when I said "Hello" to him and he was really frustrated about it for some reason. I mean, I had white roses in my hair and a deep red rose between my breasts under the white school uniform shirt. M-guy should've been _blessed_. But he threw an apple straight into my face. He's a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team along with James so that's why he has such a good aim.

But James is Captain. That's so cool. All that power and stuff. I wonder if I could convince him to kick M-guy out of the team. Nah, it'd be bad for my karma. I must think positive. I wonder if James'll ask me out properly. Romantically. Involving roses. And I would say "Oh, James.. You're so sweet, of course I will come to Hogsmeade with you." Then, he'd be all happy and we'd go to Hogsmeade and he'd buy me all the roses in the Flower Shop there. Maybe I could get Calina to get the M-guy to hint James about the genius plan of mine. Oh yes, Calina's heading towards the _right_ table. Here's my chance.

"Calina, umm.. could I ask you a favor, please?" always be polite, otherwise it's bad for karma.

Calina just looked at me, so I continued.

"Erm.. could you please go to M-guy and tell him to tell James to ask me out romantically?"

"Why don't you do it yourself?" Calina asked with an amused expression. How dare she almost laugh at me, it's a very serious subject.

"M-guy'll throw an apple at me!" I said. "Would you please do it? Or come along with me?"

"_M-guy _has a name, too, y'know. Matthias," Calina was smiling now, although the smile didn't reach her eyes. Must ask about that later. "Pronounce with me, dear girl. Mat-thi-as. Go on, it's not that hard."

"Calina! I can say the stupid name, all right. Will you come with me?" I was desperate for some romance with James.

"Okay."

"Oi, M-guy!" I called to him. "I mean, _Matthias. _Could you come over here for a second please?" Always be polite, otherwise it's bad for karma. Remember that, Lily Evans.

M-guy was confused. But he got the message nonetheless and came over to us. He sat next to Calina. Hmphhhh. Who sits next to someone wearing only black? Not me, I was across from her. Or maybe he liked her.Or maybe they were secretly going out. Must ask about that, too.

"So what did you want, Evans?" M-guy asked. I mean, Matthias. Bad for karma, otherwise.

I couldn't say it out loud to him, it'd be so embarrassing. So I gestured to Calina.

"She wanted to get a date," Calina said. M-guy raised his eyebrows.

"Not with you, you dumbass. With James," I said before my so-called best friend you embarrass me more.

"With James. I see," M-guy said. He was amused, too! What's wrong with the world! "And how do I come in this?"

Mentally, I groaned. I knew this wouldn't go well. M-guy was a punk, you see. And punk is totally unromantic. Sometimes I suspect Calina is a punk, too. (Really must ask about the secret dating thing.) Anyway, punk is as unromantic as unromantic can be, therefore, punk is bad from my point of view. Very bad. It doesn't suit with roses.

"You, dear M-guy, are going to tell James Potter that he is to ask me _romantically_ to Hogsmeade and involve many roses in the plan." I said in a matter-of-fact voice.

More raised eyebrows. Calina looked away, I'll bet all the roses in the world that she's hiding her smile from me. M-guy burst out laughing. How dare that _arrogant berk_ laugh at me!

"I am?" he asked. Well, duh. "And what's with the M-guy thing?" he added.

"It's your name," I told him. Now, Calina burst out laughing, too. What, pray tell, is wrong with these people?

"My _name_ is Matthias," the guy said after glancing at Calina briefly. I'm really suspicious about those two, now.

"Whatever," I said. "Tell James for me, please. Just as an advice, so he wouldn't know I asked you to."

"He won't believe me," M-guy said with a smirk. A _smirk_! "Really must get going now. See you later, Callie."

Callie? _Callie?_ CALLIE? Is _that_ what he said? I really have go to Madam Pomfrey and ask her to check my ears.

"Oh, and Lily?" he added. "Lose the roses." And then he left. I turned to Calina to ask what's with the Callie-thing but she was getting up, too. Again, she said nothing and left.

This time, though, I noticed something white and green slip from her hand. It was a rose. A white rose, which had been next to my bowl of porridge (to keep my health!). She had taken it and ripped off the petals one by one and then clutched the stem in her hand so the thorns would cut into her palm and then she had thrown it on the floor.

Oh, the poor rose. Poor little rose. Tears welled up in my eyes. Some of the white petals had been stained with something red. Calina's blood. What kind of a person dressed in black, hung out with Slytherin fat-arses and Ravenclaw sluts, secretly went out with a punk _and_ destroyed roses!


	3. Aa Siis

_**Disclaimer: **Me own nothing._

_**Author's Note: **like she said – itsirwlollmaoicirwnaasiis. This chapter is respectfully dedicated to her. And to him, I mean – take a hint._

**I F O N L Y I H A D A R O S E**

Today at breakfast when I was eating my porridge which I totally hate and Calina was across from me (she decided she didin't want to sit with TGG and the Slytherin Slut (aka SS) and sat with ME, her best friend) when two boys stepped in. They were both like totally cute. And I thought that roses would look like totally fabulous on them.

One of them, Caspar, (from Durmstrang) was sorted to Ravenclaw. TGG started talking to him. Hmphhhh. I bet she's throwing herself all over him, I mean she's like totally unromantic. The other, though, – Marcus is his name – was from Beauxbatons and he was sorted into Hufflepuff.

Calina said she knew him. I mean, totally unfair isn't it? TGG is bitching with Caspar, and Calina knows Marcus. They steal all the good guys from me.

Like _HUH!_

I think I'll talk to Cathy, a girl in our dorm, and ask her to come with me to hang out just outside the Hufflepuff Common Room so I can see Marcus. I'd ask Calina but she hangs out with TGG and SS or M-guy or somebody so she'd never come. I mean, she's like my best friend, she has to do those things. Totally unfair.

I haven't got the courage to talk to Marcus. I mean, I've been wearing mingiskirts ever since they came. I know that you're thinking _but like what about James totally Potter?_ And the answer is, I don't know. He has such a low self-esteem, I saw him crying one day when I was openly staring at Marcus.

Actually, I don't know what's wrong with all the boys lately. James was crying. Severus Snape was staring at my legs one day before smirking and turning to stare at TGG and Calina. Marcus was like totally ignoring me and Caspar is quite the pervert, he always takes extra long while leaving class to stay there with all the girls who renew their make-up. All girls, except for SS, TGG and Calina. Remus and Sirius were comforting James and totally glaring at me. I mean, what did I do?

And then of course the most awful boy on earth. M-guy. I cannot believe him. You see, I was outside the Hufflepuff Common Room, wearing white and dark red roses in my hair and my super-new miniskirt. I was alone, TGG fed Cathy some chalk so she couldn't talk and went to the Hospital Wing. I mean, honestly. Who feeds her classmate some _chalk_? And Cathy was quite stupid to eat it, but still…

Anyway. I was waiting there, and then the door to the Common Room opened and M-guy stepped out. I was like _what_ on earth, he's a Gryffindor. So I asked him what he was doing there. And you know what he did?

He threw an apple at me. Again. And then he smirked. I could not believe it. He's such an idiot, I mean, what kind of a person throws apples at people? At very beautiful girls with roses in their hair, nonetheless? That boy's got something seriously wrong in his head.

Then TGG and Calina stepped out from the passage that led to the kitchens. I know that one only because James showed me, once. Before he started crying.

But at the moment, James wasn't there. TGG was crying because her stupid Slytherin boyfriend had just dumped her. Serves her right. Calina was quite surprised to see M-guy and I there and then TGG started laughing at me. I wonder why. Maybe the roses in my hair were out of place or something.

When M-guy saw them, he blushed and escaped from the scene. What on earth is wrong with him? And _then_ Calina and TGG went away, too. Without saying a word. But before I could think on it, Marcus _also _came from the kitchens and looked at me.

"It isn't Halloween, you know," he said to me and then went to his Common Room.

What on earth was that supposed to mean? And why were Marcus, Calina and TGG in the kitchens, _together_?

And _why_, pray tell, was everybody making fun of me? I was the most beautiful girl on earth with those roses in my hair, wasn't I?


	4. Kuradi kuradi kurat?

_**Disclaimer: **Plot's mine, all other you can claim._

_**Author's Note: **Sometimes you want to know something so bad and when you find it out, you discover it doesn't help. At all._

**I F O N L Y I H A D A R O S E**

I have one very serious question to the world. Very, very, extremely serious question. Concerning the grave matters of my best friend betraying her house and not being best friends with me (when I proposed a girl's night she smriked and declined before running away to meet someone, no doubt. I wonder who.) and these awful boys. Utterly unromantic.

Back on topic, my question is: _What, _pray tell, does everyone have against roses?!

You see, everyone's been wearing black lately, except for Severus Snape's red converses. But he doesn't count. TGG is a godawful girl, she wears black and tears down the roses I have attached to the paintings in the corridors. And the punk boy, M-guy who is not the least bit polite, is wearing black, too. When I asked the house-elves to bring me a boquet of roses, they told me roses weren't available anymore and that I can't get any from Hogsmeade before January. God must hate me.

But I can't corrupt my mind with such vulgar subjects as people being unromantic and wearing black. I have reached to a new level of romanticide. This new level is the level of a twisted romance. See, I have found myself in love with Professor Flitwick! He has such a charm!

No pun intended, of course. I'm quite serious about this thing, I guess older men are just so irresistible and much more romantic than those _immature_ teenagers like Potter, Black, Snape, Caspar, Marcus, M-guy and so on.

I got an interesting idea yesterday in Transfiguration. Professor McGonnagall was showing us diagrams about human transfiguration and she said that the diagrams were like life: that you never know where on the diagram you are.

I found this to be quite correct, and I proudly told Calina that I thought I was on the top right now. But alas, I was appalled at her reaction. She just smirked at me and said, "no, really?". That will be marked down as laughing at me. How dare she.

You know, a couple of days ago, Calina, Cathy, SS and I were waiting for Potions (Gryffindors with Slytherins, that's why SS was there. TGG had a high fever and had become a resident in the Hospital Wing. Ha.) and we were talking when Joanna, a fourth year Hufflepuff, entered the room and grabbed a white paper angel (it was sooo cute!) that she had left on the table.

That's when our subject turned. The conversation following was something like that:

"Angels. Ugh," grimaced Calina. SS nodded, Cathy didn't do anything because she's afraid if she disagreed we wouldn't be her friends anymore. And I.. I was appalled. So I argued.

"How can you say that?" incredulous looks. I continued, "Angels are the purest good there is!"

At that, Calina laughed. For a second she reminded me of that awful girl, Bellatrix Black, as well as that _godawful_ girl TGG.

"_The purest good there is?!_ Pah. You really do know nothing about life," she said.

What on _earth?_ Angels are the purest good and love is forever, the accent given by roses.. It must've shown on my face, because Calina continued.

"But well, you believe in love and all that romantic sh—stuff so that probably explains it.."

Now I was seriously worried. What had happened last November?

"Calina! What's happened to you? Last year you weren't so sceptical about these things," I said.

Her face was smooth stone.

"Time has passed, things have happened." Her tone was ice.

"Well, I'm sure nothing of that kind—" I tried. But she had already turned away and was engaged in conversation with SS.

I turned to Cathy.

"You were totally right, Lily," she said but I was not in the mood to endure some ditzy fangirl's small-talk.

I must admit, I quite pitied myself. Last year I had invited Severus Snape on a date with me but he refused and called me names. I can see he quite admires Calina, maybe even likes her. Then M-guy threw his apples at me. And he likes Calina, too. And even Caspar, the new guy, laughs at Calina's antics. I'm not even going to talk about James. (My love...) _What _do they all see in her?

That's beyond me. That's the thing with boys, they like her and they dislike me. I wonder why, I mean, I'm so romantic and I like roses, believe in angels and love. I'm the ideal! But the thing with friends is that Calina and Cathy used to be very good friends but then Calina started communicating with me more and they grew apart, which is why Cathy's a ditzy fangirl now. But she never had a backbone anyway..

Then SS appeared. Well, she had always been Calina's friend. But _I_ was her best friend and then came November and something happened. Well, okay, we had a huge fight but we made up, didn't we? I mean, now, a year later, she can't be still mad, can she?

Now she's like stone and steel and ice and whatever, I don't know what she thinks and wants. And I'm stuck with Cathy and no boys whatsoever. I mean, I'm pure, I'm the ideal. So why, oh why, don't boys like me?


	5. Final Insult

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

**Author's note:** it's been a long time and I think this will be the last chapter.

**IF ONLY I HAD A ROSE.**

So.

OWLs are over and I have decided I won't be coming back to Hogwarts next year. I'm transferring to Beauxbatons, much more romantic.

Things are pretty much the same here, though many boys have looked at me. It's like, I walk on the corridor, very romantically, mind you. I even charmed my robes so that they'd spill rose petals behind me when I walk. Anyhow. I walk and boys who pass me don't look at me. But I know they all like me because I am so beautiful and they're not looking at me because they're afraid they'll give themselves away.

Oh, I'm so happy right now, yesterday I bought more roses. Light pink, this time. Now, I'm telling you some of the reasons why I'm going away from Hogwarts.

Firstly, TGG is practically bald. It was awful enough that her hair was multicolour but now it's even worse. Practically _bald_. No word can express the disgust I feel.

Secondly, the boys are much too weird here. I mean, yeah they all like me but no-one has ever talked to me! Serves them right, I'm going away and then they'll miss me.

Thirdly, the name Hogwarts is so unromantic and I can't go to Hogsmeade (another unromantic name) to buy roses often enough. Of course, with the factor that Calina and TGG are destroying them.

Fourthly, TGG and Calina ate peas at the end of year feast. _Peas._ No-one eats peas. It's unromantic!

Cathy has once again ditched me, we had a fight and she ran to Calina and I know they're talking about me behing my back. Pfff. Cathy is pushing a knife into my heart and turning it around, I am so hurt.

But after I leave this Unromantic School, I have one mystery to solve. Remember M-guy? That punk who Calina was messing with? They are avoiding each other like death. First I thought it was so romantic and that they'd solve issues with roses and great love songs but no.

Geez, my head would explode from the unromanticness of this place if it wasn't for the rose in my hair.

Oh no, the rosebud just fell apart. NO! My poor romantic rose. They have pierced my heart once again. If only I had a rose..


End file.
